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When I Look in Your Eyes I See Death

by Luna Canfield

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1.
Running 02:39
I'm running I'm running. I'm running I'm running. I'm running I'm running. I'm running I'm running. I'm running From the light. I'm running To the end of my life.
2.
Galvanism 00:47
We extra light Extra light We extra light We next to light We light up, we write up We fuck up, we die. With no reason why. No reason, no reason. Light up, write up Fuck up, die. No reason why. No reason, no reason. Hit with a little lightning A bug in my skin A knife in my skin A belly of gin and We hit, now we out here fighting Now we're writhing, now we're writhing In the mud, hateful and we're crying then the lightning just struck.
3.
In a flesh jail, we prevail Take a shirt off use it as a sail Body a game, body a movie Body came, body make me woozy I'm losing, we're cruising New lane, 90's beautiful tonight I'm beautiful tonight, you're beautiful tonight We're beautiful tonight, I'm crazy Eyes glazing, just watching A thought in my head We're already dead, already dead I could crash any second without any warning World I've been ignoring, you I've been ignoring Me I've been ignoring, you and I soar Out the windshield, the windshield cracks Breaks on my face as the cold wind sears My flat and broken nose and cuts and scrapes A red rose that flows from my nostrils and eyes We fly through the air and land I escape from a prison in the shape of me.
4.
The River 01:55
I don't know where Have I been going in the right or wrong And did I think that if I sang this song That I'd have any real escape And did I think ahead With all the hindsight on what I just said And all the fingers pulling out my hair It doesn't matter it's too late. Just one more knot and one more stone And one more step to my new home Just flowing, flowing, like the sands of time The weight, the wait, it pulls me down You suffocate but I don't drown Now nothing's left for me except that face. My eyes are closed As every fear inside my head just grows I want to pump my fucking veins with lead I wanna be set free
5.
Out my window I see My twisted hands Nothing Love spreading through a voice so old but new Words pass these lips, cracked and ripped, a bloody view Eyes stare through the black void in the face in the riverbed Cries, shouts, with the lights out. I can't keep it in this head The lights in the forest, the wind in the sky I will live, live, live, then I'll die The wind in the forest, the lights in the sky They will shine, shine, shine, and I'll die The wind in the forest, the wind in the sky It will blow, blow, blow and I'll die The lights in the forest, the lights in the sky They will burn, burn, burn, till we die
6.
I got some eyes Some hands, a car A star moving west, My brain in a jar And I'll give up the rest For a chance at best To look in the mirror And not see some strange Abomination with two eyes That stare right back Without a thought With holes so black A void you left employed As you sat far in your stupid shack And pissed and moaned You thought you'd outgrown The whiny childish tantrums You thought you disowned But still feel the need to Bash your head on the wall Or a brick, or anything at all Until you pass out Until your eyes bleed Till you stop feeling useless Cause you never agreed To live in a way where The time will just go by And people just go by After maybe just two years They rotate and rotate Cause it gets to the point where You feel like they don't care And that you took the bait And now all you want is to See yourself again When you look in the fucking mirror.
7.
Bury a hatchet in my chest, and let my soul out Let my soul out Let my soul out Bury a hatchet in my fucking chest to let my soul out Let my soul out Let my soul out Bury a hatchet in my chest, and let my soul out Bury a hatchet in my fucking chest to let my soul out I just wish I'd led myself away But the lead weight in my stomach Traps me with nothing to say Just fuck it And now I wake up every fucking day Try to dig under my ribs Rip them out, rip them out, rip them out. Bury a hatchet in my chest, and let my soul out Let my soul out Let my soul out Bury a hatchet in my fucking chest to let my soul out Let my soul out Let my soul out Every day just feels the same I'm just staring at the wall Vignetted in my vision I barely exist Something's always clawing to escape I just wanna take the fall Let me out, let me out, let me out Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
8.
Self hate is a weird ass fucking thing Cause no one loves you like you love yourself And you don't love yourself so why would they You're toxic and self-loathing, with a boring sense of style And your boring ass jokes And your boring ass smile And your boring ass, typical, basic fucking self Can't take the fact that you're just unimportant You're the throwaway, the last choice The last voice to be acknowledged If you're even seen at all Your voice doesn't matter And your choice doesn't matter It always falls apart, there's no control in you That stupid hole in you, it's like a gunshot And you only get one shot, and you always fuck it up Cause you're scared that everyone will go away again Like Jory did. Remember when he showed up when you pierced your ears And you broke down cause you thought that he was gone? Well he's gone again, no word from him You were proud of me but still left on a whim I needed you, we fucking needed you And now we're lost again How can we love ourselves When you're not here to show us how And you're not here to clear the clouds You're the reason we can't cry now And this is your fucking mess I fucking hate you!
9.
PART I: It's a curious feeling when your soul leaves you. Less of a ripping, or tearing And more of a sudden emptiness Everything becomes a haze, or a blur And living doesn't really feel real As if, as if it's just a dream It's a strange feeling when your soul leaves you It's a strange feeling when your soul leaves you PART II: Nothing is here anymore You made sure to lock it away so it's secure, can't get out And finally you feel at peace Cause you cease to feel anything But your release. No one needs you now. Finally guided by light no more spite No more anything. Just a path leading away To a peaceful and numb nothingness You exist? No you don't Just pretend you're not real till you aren't You're not real anymore No you're not real anymore You're not real anymore No you're not real anymore You're not real anymore No you're not real anymore You're not real anymore You're not real anymore You're not real anymore, anymore, anymore.
10.
The Knife 01:42
I just dissociate. Don't know what to do in this mess I obsess then black out Blood in the sky! Blood in the sky! Why I still hate I can't even try to find out I just bash in my head The black brick is red! The black brick is red! But the thoughts still come in As you're walking upstairs And into the kitchen Your vision goes red. Grabbing the knife! Grabbing the knife! They tell you to do it they're in the next room They tell you to do it they're in the next room Stare at the knife! Stare at the knife! It wants to be satisfied Want to feel the rush of excitement From a kill that's well done Blood in my eyes! Blood in my eyes! It's near impossible to refuse It's from you In a fight or flight mode for the last five minutes Look at the knife! Look at the knife! You know you hate yourself. Pretend to hate them Lash out, lash out, lash out, you can! Put down the knife! Put down the knife!
11.
It'll go, it'll go, it'll go away someday It'll fly, it'll fly, I promise it'll fly away And you'll cry, and you'll cry, and you'll cry into the sun And you'll look, and you'll look, and you won't be the only one It's taken all of the last ten fucking years. And probably more To bring you back to who you were before Before we met, before I learned what it was like Before I lost who I was, before I hated my body and mind. I just want to see you again Not the shadow, not the husk, but you I want to see you without breaking down I want to be you, and be happy with myself again I want this evil part of me out, I just want you back again And proud of me, and happy, and alive And I just want you to stay And love me, like you did before I want to see myself happy and smiling but can't Cause when I look in your eyes I see death When I look in your eyes I see death I see death And nothing makes it worse than that And I don't want to feel like that And I just want to go back again And run away. I wanna go back again.

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I'm sick of this flesh prison.

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released August 28, 2020

All music by Jory Canfield

Cover art by Shakti Nieves & Jade Hansen

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Luna Canfield Rochester, New York

There is an end to suffering.

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